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With Eyes Open

by Rachel Rose Mitchell

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1.
Oh, what a mess. What a sticky situation we fell into. But oh, I must confess: I'm not off guard, but if you are, then I don't blame you. Who could have prepared for where we've landed? I'm not sure I want to meet them. Now, we have to play with the cards that we've been handed (and you can bet I'm going to beat them). Tell me truthfully, when you woke up this morning where did you think that you'd go to sleep again? Somewhere safe? Somewhere you know? Surely not this madhouse together alone with unfamiliar friends. 'Won't somebody come save us?' I hear you cry to the cameras, but there's something that I think you missed my dear. You say we can't have been forgotten, that there must be someone watching. Why would someone watching want us out of here? See what you want when you look at me if you won't open your eyes, who cares what you see? Honestly, I've better things to do than explain myself to you. You don't have all the information, so, yes, I understand your point of view. You're so comfortable claiming I'm on the wrong path but I don't remember asking you. 'How can you be so calm?' you practically snap at me while you're pointing your finger accusingly. Excuse me if the big picture has stayed in my sights, so if you don't mind, I'm trying to get out alive. Say what you like, I promise I'm not going to stop you. Think what you must, it's all on you. No one's coming to our rescue. Yes, I know this must distress you but if we can't be our own saviours we'll be damned. So get a grip on your composure. Things will be worse before they're over. Look a little deeper. Try to understand. See what you want when you look at me if you won't open your eyes, who cares what you see? Honestly, I've better things to do than explain myself to you. I've been screaming the truth, but you just won't see 'cause I'm the only one here that you won't believe and everything that I've done, well it's all for you. Though I've shouted and shouted, I can't get through. I'm begging you, use your brain for a moment. Try to figure it out on your own. I won't always be there when you call. They can lie all they like, but I won't concede. Cut me up with your knives. It's not like I'll bleed. I know you don't see the real shape of this battlefield but my words are my weapons. In secret I'm your shield.
2.
I should've seen it sooner, but what can 'should've's do for me? You know, I heard a rumour that I couldn't quite believe. Eyes might tell the truth but words have power to deceive. If it suits their speaker, there's no story they can't weave. And so, in you I put my faith. I threw my trust behind a friendly face. Couldn't name one safer place, yet here I am. I watched it go to waste. I could ask 'how could you?' but I know the answer's just 'because you can'. Funny how the worst part is I finally understand. But I've faced down far worse than you and you can't keep me from the truth. I could go through all of this again. I feel the past like it's brand new. The phantoms hover just in view. You are not enough to hold me down. You won't wring any tears from me, nor quiet admissions of defeat. As far as I'm concerned, we're not anywhere near the end. Where there's a heartbeat, there's still hope so I won't give up on my ghosts. I'll carry them until my final breath. Tell me, is it true or is it my imagination? There's no exit built into this maze of your creation. You talk like it's against the rules to turn this game against you. You've got it wrong. I'll tear your walls down if that's what it comes to. I won't break in front of you. I'll hold on 'til I've gone the whole way through and if I end up on the floor it's fine, 'cause you won't see me any more. And though you put me through hell, I know I chose my battles well. I'm in control. I'm taking over. This story's mine to tell. And I've faced down far worse than you and you can't keep me from the truth. I could go through all of this again. I feel the past like it's brand new. The phantoms hover just in view. You are not enough to hold me down. You won't wring any tears from me, nor quiet admissions of defeat. As far as I'm concerned, we're not anywhere near the end. Where there's a heartbeat, there's still hope so I won't give up on my ghosts. I'll carry them until my final breath. Once upon a time, I wanted you to tell me why it wasn't good enough for you to have the whole world at your feet. But now I've had some time and distance, I know better than the listen to a single syllable you'd want to say to me. Every word you spoke was poison. Your heartfelt speeches, hollow noises. And I'm kicking myself 'cause I just couldn't see how you could go this far. I don't stand here 'cause I want to. I never wanted to fight you. But what I want's irrelevant now. Look at where we are. And I've faced down far worse than you and you can't keep me from the truth. I could go through all of this again. I feel the past like it's brand new. The phantoms hover just in view. You are not enough to hold me down. You won't wring any tears from me, nor quiet admissions of defeat. As far as I'm concerned, we're not anywhere near the end. Where there's a heartbeat, there's still hope so I won't give up on my ghosts. I'll carry them until my final breath.
3.
It's better than nothing, the air in your lungs. The power in your bones. Oh, the shade you've become. You've life left and that's more than others can say. You scrub at their blood but it won't wash away. You say it's fine. Truthfully, it's far from it. You pretend like the best and you won't tell a soul. If nobody knows you, then no one can harm you. You're capable. You've got it under control. So you never speak out, 'cause no one would understand. And you never reach out, 'cause no one could lend a hand but I know who you are. Under the mask. You're just a girl screaming into the void. Though you've fortified, you're haunted inside by watching all that you love burned and destroyed. It creeps into your dreams, infecting your bloodstream. The monster they made you, she lurks underneath. Clench your fists and become her. A new brand of thunder. But watch you don't choke the world with your new teeth. Over and over you run it through in your head. Trying to find a way out that you've ignored until now. There's nowhere to go still you're searching alone. The alternative's asking for help and you just can't do that. After all, someone might listen to your cries. What could be worse? I know the stories you tell yourself. Like you're the only one, and you have to do it alone. Are you so proud you'd forsake the world? Just so you don't have to hear... (oh) I know who you are. Under the mask. You're just a girl screaming into the void. Though you've fortified, you're haunted inside by watching all that you love burned and destroyed. It creeps into your dreams, infecting your bloodstream. The monster they made you, she lurks underneath. Clench your fists and become her. A new brand of thunder. But watch you don't choke the world with your new teeth. The tides, everchanging, they will drag you under if you step into their pull, if you let down your guard. Given half the chance, they'll tear you asunder. You're not unbreakable. Build up the walls of your heart. If you hope to survive in this terrible world. Say it over and over again: 'This is not how it ends.' It'll all be for naught if you crumble, if you give in. I know who you are. Under the mask. You're just a girl screaming into the void. Though you've fortified, you're haunted inside by watching all that you love burned and destroyed. It creeps into your dreams, infecting your bloodstream. The monster they made you, she lurks underneath. Clench your fists and become her. A new brand of thunder. But watch you don't choke the world with your new teeth.
4.
lullaby, lullaby sing me to sleep this night lullaby, lullaby, lullaby, sing me to sleep... Lullaby, lullaby, sing me to sleep this night. How will I get there alone? Lullaby, stay there as I shut my eyes. I know they'll lead me away if you don't. Softly they sing. Through silence, they ring. Painting pictures as bright as the day. Whispering words that can only be heard while the waking world's melting away. Fairytale, fairytale, whisk me away to the glittering lights where we dance in the rain. Rabbit hole, rabbit hole, lead me astray 'til the morning arrives and I float back again. Sing me to sleep. Sing me to sleep... Softly they sing. Through silence, they ring. Painting pictures as bright as the day. Whispering words that can only be heard while the waking world's melting away. Softly they sing. Through silence, they ring. Painting pictures as bright as the day. Whispering words that can only be heard while the waking world's melting away. and the waking world's melting a w a y . . .
5.
6.
Golden Sky 06:50
There's a golden sky in a place that I left long ago and I know, one day I will return. I've arrived at a fork in the road. No signposts to tell me where to go. No familiar landmarks in the world surrounding me. I barely recognise my own two feet. I knew from the start I'd be alone out here, but this things don't feel real until you're there. And so it goes, I set out on my own. Fortune favours those who dare. I won't waste more time. I've got so long to go. There's a golden sky in a place that I left long ago. For the shining stars, my heart still yearns. To the pale moonlight, to the memory that calls to my soul, I know, one day I will return. There's a road ahead, as yet unmapped, uncharted, unknown but that's not going to change without me. I can't know the things I'll face or if I'll even make it through but it's better than sitting and waiting to be freed. Adventure awaits. I challenge my fate. Out from my cocoon, I can finally fly in any direction. It's at my discretion who and where I want to be. The journey ahead may be harrowing. It may be almost more than I can bear. I'm homesick and hurting but I know this is worth it. I have to believe. I might stumble. I might fall but I'll carry on through it all. There's a golden sky in a place that I left long ago. For the shining stars, my heart still yearns. To the pale moonlight, to the memory that calls to my soul, I know, one day I will return. Hear my, hear my, hear my lullaby. Hush now, angel, darling, don't you cry. Hear my, hear my, hear my silent prayer. Sweet home of my memory, are you still there? Hear my, hear my, hear my lullaby. Hush now, angel, darling, don't you cry. Hear my, hear my, hear my silent prayer. Sweet home of my memory, are you still there? There's a golden sky in a place that I left long ago. For the shining stars, my heart still yearns. To the pale moonlight, to the memory that calls to my soul, I know, one day I will return.
7.
In Legends 05:29
I've been warned not to look back along the way. I might lose you. I might lose you. But no one thought to tell me just how hard this would be. Just how far can I go without you beside me? Are you still behind me? I've fought too hard to bring you back to risk it all right now. I don't know. It just feels wrong without you by my side. I need your glow, your angel's song to put this mess to rights. Move on are the only words that I've heard for so long, and yet I cannot fathom a world where I would cooperate with their lies. You're gone. They say I should agree to give up. Leave your memory behind. They say you're no longer here, but you live on in legends. I found you there behind the door and held you 'til my hands were sore. You've never felt this cold before. This must be an illusion. Enough to chill me to the bone. You looked so lonely on your own, so much I had to join you. Please forgive me the intrusion. If you were in a million pieces, I would find them all. From the valley to the mountain. From the river to the sea. I'd search the whole world for you. There is nothing that I wouldn't do. I'd scour every corner and I'd venture underneath. There's nowhere above or below that can keep me away. I'd risk it all to reach you so we'll meet again someday. Move on are the only words that I've heard for so long, and yet I cannot fathom a world where I would cooperate with their lies. You're gone. They say I should agree to give up. Leave your memory behind. They say you're no longer here, but you live on in legends. It's not enough. It's all I have. How can I give any more? I need some way to find you in that sea beyond the shore. Move on are the only words that I've heard for so long and yet I just don't know how to live in a world where you're gone, and that isn't a lie. Say something. This silence is more than I can bear. Don't leave me behind. They say you're no longer here.
8.
Cups 04:15
Thank you for coming. Had it been me, I don't know if I would. Anyway, sit! Let's bury the bad and bring on the good. Play with me for now. I promise we'll be finished soon. Let's both say our pieces and you'll be gone before noon. Ring around a rosey, when did you get so nosey? Pocket full of ash and a teacup pull of posey. Don't change cups. That one's yours, I insist. Have I told you how good blue looks on your lips? Take one sip. Yes that's right, let's get along. Every hurt tastes bitter if you let it steep too long. Just you wait, I have a surprise that'll steal away your breath. All I'll say is it's enough to scare you half to.... shhh. You can't follow the leader with ropes around your feet. You can't follow me either. You're not as quick as me. (You'll never be.) Don't change cups. That one's yours, I insist. Have I told you how good blue looks on your lips? Take one sip. Yes, that's right, let's get along. Every hurt tastes bitter if you let it steep too long. Forgiveness is in vogue, but I was never one for trends. So long! Farewell! And I lived happily ever after. Here's the end... Don't change cups. That one's yours, I insist. Have I told you how good blue looks on your lips? Take one sip. Yes that's right, let's get along. Every hurt tastes bitter if you let it steep, you let it steep too long.
9.
Names 05:28
My friend asked for your home address. Oh, just to talk. She promises. To talk about the way you treated me. She would love to meet in person to ensure she makes an impact, but lucky you. She lives across the seas. You've got something coming but I won't be surprised if it never arrives. I find that karma gets lost in the post. So I exorcise you, spectre, and I'll spare us both the lecture. I won't be haunted by a lazy ghost. Who needs you anyway? I've nothing more to say to you at all. Everyone I've asked has called you names I won't repeat. No, I don't wanna be your friend. You should be groveling for me. I don't think you're sorry. You don't know what you did wrong. That speaks to just the kind of person you've been all along. I am more than some distraction meant to pass your time. It hurt at first, but now I've learned you'll waste no more of mine. I had choice words for you, but you're not worth hitting send so I'll just call you names in private if I ever think of you again. It's kind of embarrassing how fast I gave my heart to you but I'm not quite right, and that's okay. That's just what people like me do. You were on board, or so I thought. We felt the same, or so you claimed. I read between the lines. That fault is mine, but the wasted time, no, that's on you. We never gave ourselves a name. Did that make disappearing fair game? You can tell yourself that all you like, it doesn't make it true. It's not my fault you flipped so fast, no, it's not my fault that you're an asshole. And in the end I'm better on my own, now tell me, what's the use of you? I know this isn't a contest but I still won. Sorry, I don't make the rules. Oh, wait, I guess I do. Everyone I've asked has called you names I won't repeat. No, I don't wanna be your friend. You should be groveling for me. I don't think you're sorry. You don't know what you did wrong. That speaks to just the kind of person you've been all along. I am more than some distraction meant to pass your time. It hurt at first, but now I've learned you'll waste no more of mine. I had choice words for you, but you're not worth hitting send so I'll just call you names in private if I ever think of you again. I've got my issues, it's true, but I'd rather have mine than yours. Everyone I've asked has called you names I won't repeat. No, I don't wanna be your friend. You should be on your knees. Everyone I've asked has called you names I won't repeat. No, I don't wanna be your friend. You should be groveling for me. I don't think you're sorry. You don't know what you did wrong. That speaks to just the kind of person you've been all along. I am more than some distraction meant to pass your time. It hurt at first, but now I've learned you'll waste no more of mine. I had choice words for you, but you're not worth hitting send so I'll just call you names in private if I ever think of you again. If I ever think of you again. If I ever think of you again.

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released May 27, 2022

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Rachel Rose Mitchell Melbourne, Australia

just a girl and her songs

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